Thank you for choosing us. We are one of the biggest, if not greatest, companies in this world and in a few imaginary ones as well. We do everything and we are super-proud about it.
We value your
decision to join us in our goal to constantly improve our customers’ perception
of perfect service.
We care. Caring is
important. You will be allowed to continually work on your self-development via
various programmes. You will also be required to record your successes via our
intuitive ranking system. Overevaluating is a necessity that hugely improves
the overall happiness. To achieve this, every employee is tasked with spending
at least 40 % of
their work time recording in detail their everyday actions, including efforts
put into creating these reports.
Your newly
acquired skills are a huge benefit for both the company and your own career progress.
Especially since we quarterly rework our organizational structure so much, you might
end up on a different position, working for two or be allowed to pursue other goals
(like correctly filling in application at your nearest job centre). You will be
part of a dynamic team where no one knows anything about the next week challenges,
but all are ready to persuade you there is a long-term planning hidden
somewhere.
We are operating
in more than 20 countries. Which means some people are willing to work for less
money. It also means that a few of our core employees are members of work
unions so we are not allowed to ask them to work, nor can we let others do
their job. This usually results in the job not being done at all. An important initiative
equalizing our customers’ expectations.
Be ready to be
part of one of our teams. Be ready to be yelled at you by customers for your
stupidity, your team’s stupidity, your manager’s stupidity, your employer’s policies
(being pretty much all stupid) and your customers’ stupidity. For if they
believe they are subscribing for the excuse not to think, they are stupid
indeed.
Your daily work
will consist of finding out exactly what caused the service not to function
properly for our customers, how long it took to restore, why was that too long
and what could be done to avoid such incidents in future. Especially if there
is nothing to guarantee avoiding these at all. Your skills in academic writing
will be very appreciated because every single one of us prefers using different
phrases and synonyms and you will be asked to alter yours to fit the ever-changing
demands. Be ready to explore the world full of new words, specially tailored excuses
and logic arguments revealing why it was our fault the customer did not
read/follow the instructions, why the technician arrived 10 minutes later than
promised and whether his breakup with his fiancé 6 months ago had anything to
do with that.
We are proud of believing we are great of what we do. And there are so many of us working in here we have to take turns complimenting each other on the magnificent work we do daily. Be part of the future. Now. Regret. Later.